Many of you are probably more than familiar with this scenario: You join Facebook, and it's an exciting time. At first, you add a few friends you find (perhaps via e-mail), or perhaps through a network, like school, or work... or perhaps you find some strangers you'd like to get to know better. People who share your life view of a cause, or a passion. And that's wonderful. Soon, you've thrown your net so wide, you even start finding long, lost friends from your past. Sometimes, these are people you haven't seen in 20-25 years. Exciting!
But Facebook is still part of the internet, and the internet can be a powerful behavioral altering tool for many, many people. (If you want more direct proof of this, go join a chat room, and watch closely the things people say, and how they behave. I assure you that more than half of those people would never behave that way in 'real' life.) In the eagerness of knowing about others, and being everyone's 'friend,' you suddenly start getting a few odd 'friendship' requests. I know you know what I mean... You start getting 'friendship' requests from people, on Facebook, who you have deemed (for one reason, or another) that they will never be your friend in real life, even if Hell froze over.
Yes, that's right! Did you have people who made your life miserable in high school, or an ex you had a terrible split from, or perhaps you left an organization you no longer had trust in? Well, they all want to be your friends on Facebook, now! Amazing, isn't it? Now, perhaps there are some of these people who truly have changed, and have grown up, and want to patch things up, or simply wish you well, and know how you're doing. That's an undeniable possibility. However, the biggest truth behind that is that most of those people would NEVER approach you in real life, would never so much as talk to you, write you an e-mail, or let alone apologize to you. So why this sudden audacity? Why approach you through Facebook, now? What is it about the internet that makes people do things they would never do?
Well, there's a few things at play here:
1. People Care: "What?!?" -- You say. "These people don't care! They made my life a living hell!" Well, I have NEWS for you. When someone makes your life a living hell, they are putting an effort into an action. They are CARING enough to hate you, because it matters to them. If they didn't care, they would never approach you, and would have never even made your life a living hell in the first place. Simply put, the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
2. Curiosity: Curiosity definitely killed the cat... and people are a lot like cats. If you have a lot of information 'hidden' from others, and available to a privileged few, a bunch of curious people are going to want 'in.' They want to be able to tell themselves whatever it is they need to tell themselves to feel their life is somehow doing better than yours, or somehow feel more self righteous about themselves and the paths they have chosen for themselves, compared to yours.
3. Anonymity: "What?!?!" -- You say. "But I already KNOW their names. I saw it was THEM making the request!" Yes, perhaps, but they're not making the request TO YOUR FACE. It's not personal to them. Is a 'friendship request' on Facebook an invitation to be best buds, and clear away all differences? Hell no! lol It's a request for people to come and look at all your personal information, photographs, and other data you chosen to put on there. And when you get to having so many friends on Facebook, you won't even remember they're there, anyway.
4. Popularity: Yes, you think this was over in high school? No way! lol There are loads of people on Facebook who live and die by the number of 'friends' they have on here, and if they even so much as recognize your name, they will send you a request... even if you needed a no-contact order to keep you two apart!
Now, what am I trying to say here? Am I trying to say that all these people are mean spirited and you should not add these people to your Facebook? Perhaps. While some of them have definitely grown up, and changed (particularly if their wrong doings were way back in high school), we can't argue the same for all these folks. Remember that you end up reading their Facebook statuses, and seeing the pictures they upload, and other items, that may be downright angering or frustrating to you. These are people you have outgrown, and most likely for the best, went their own way. If your ideas no longer gel together, and you find yourself cringing at every anti-gay, pro-life, or bigoted racial remark they might make, chances are they're going to drop you as a friend, anyway! So don't even go there. Forgiveness is not always a two way street, and our forgiveness of them will not turn them into our friends. Life is hard enough already...
LMCollazo
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